Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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