Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
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I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize