You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize