apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
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i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
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Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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