Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
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