so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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