woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize