I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize