I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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