She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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