id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
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How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
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I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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