Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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