We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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