Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize