After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Please don't give away my fajitas
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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