she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
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Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
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If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize