she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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