I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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