really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
nutella sex= disaster
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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