So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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