I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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