vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
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THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
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There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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