we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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