how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize