After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize