i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize