I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
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