She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
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Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
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Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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