I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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