I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Sext me about skeletons
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize