He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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