Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
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A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
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The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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