i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
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I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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