The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I want a musical about memes.
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