its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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