I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
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i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
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And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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