Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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