i think my tv is drunk
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize