4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
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I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
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Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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