my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Your penis caused this!
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