I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I had to cum in my sink.
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