Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize