The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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