I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
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I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
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I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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