So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
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The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
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I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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