Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize