I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
foreskin is a definite game changer
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize