Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
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my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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