remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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