Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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